Speed Dates
by Dan M.000
Summary: The kids are two years older and got tied of seeing their dad alone. So they decide to make him try speed dating. Slight AU/ Rated T for slight cussing, smoking, and because I'm paranoid/ one-shot


A/N: This is my first story, and I'll warn you now. I'm not that good of a writer, and I'm not very good at comedy writing. Mostly, just visual stuff, so you will have to picture it a bit.

**Disclaimer: I own Bleach..But not the show or characters lol**

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Ichigo, Karin, and Yuzu were upstairs talking a little loud about something. "Oh come on, he should" said Ichigo in a bit of an irritated voice "Yeah, he's so lonely" Karin said to Yuzu "B-but! I like having him here at the house" she whined, sounding like a child that doesn't want to let her father go. "But wouldn't you like to see him happy?..He still obsesses every time looks at the poster, he should try and move on, but it doesn't mean that he'll completely forget about mom." Yuzu sighed in defeat at what her brother said "..You're right." They both smiled at her and they headed downstairs

Isshin was just sitting on the couch in the living room watching tv. Well trying to watch tv because his 3 kids stood right in his view, blocking tv "Hey! I'm trying to watch tv" he pouted. "Sorry dad..But we were talking and agreed on something" said Karin calmly "It was all there idea" said Yuzu in a sorry and frantic way. Ichigo sighed "But we all agreed on it " The two daughters nodded firmly in agreement. "What are you 3 talking about?" He asked curiously, confused as hell. "We think you need to try dating" the three children said at the same time. "..So we think you should try speed dating" said Ichigo "We know that doesn't sound like the best way to go at it. But a few kids at school who have single parents tried it, and it worked out fine for them. And we know a good place where you can go." Isshin looked at his little traitors..I-I mean children in shock, and pouted "The only way you're going to get me to do that, is if you drag me" he said in a serious tone as he crossed his arms. Ichigo sighed "If you want to do it the hard way, then fine" he said as he and Karin grabbed their father by the arms, and literally dragged him all the way to the speed dating place while he was kicking and screaming like a child, earning them all a few looks "So you know dad, the people here are all around your age, so get right in there and meet people" said Ichigo as he shoved him in there, staying there for a while until he sat down. Isshin sighed, knowing there was no way out of this. It took him a few seconds to realize that his kids were a bit right, so he vowed to have a good time, and actually try and meet people

Girl 1

Occupation: Calm, kind person

The women was actually quite beautiful, and wearing a scarf. They started off by greeting each other "And my name's Jasmin, so tell me about yourself" she said with a calm smile. He grinned happily "Well I'm a rather energetic, happy and a proud father. I have a 17yr old son, two daughters, fraternal twins who are both 12. My daughter Karin has such spunk and strength, and my darling Yuzu is as sweet as cherry pie, a spitting image fo her mother, a great cook, and just like me in some ways. My son Ichigo is a strong handsome young man, too bad he can't seem to get a girlfriend, when he's constantly has such beauties hanging around him all the time. It makes me wonder sometimes if he's even straight" he said a bit too enthusiastically, not letting her get a word in edge wise and then pulled how his wallet to let her see what his kids look like, and kept blabbering on and on about each and every picture, describing each moment in perfect detail. Only problem was, the women didn't give a crap anymore, and couldn't stand his loud mouth, wondering if he had an off button.

**Date result:** Failed

Girl 2

Occupation: Old Friend

"Well now, I didn't expect to see you here Yoruichi" said Isshin with a kind smile, and Yoruichi was wearing a very revealing, casual, outfit. The outfit showed off her legs, and especially her cleavage. All the guys were looking at Isshin in pure jealousy, because to them, she looked like she was interested in him. "Same here, I saw you and I thought I would come in and say hi" she said nonchalantly "Well that's good, because who knows how Kisuke would react if he saw you in here." She had a sly smile on her face "Well now, he thinks I'm with a friend right now. Which I am, she's just waiting outside. But she can be a bit possessive with me sometimes though. It makes me wonder if the girl has a crush on me. Which would be just fine, and besides, he only cares if he sees me around other men he doesn't know..But not women." His eyes widened a bit in surprise "..Are you saying you like both? Or just like messing with Kisuke's mind, when it comes to that stuff?" he asked curiously "..A bit of both, and my friend realizes that, but she doesn't seem to mind." Isshin chuckled a bit "I see..Well it was nice seeing you again" he said kindly "Same here, say ho to your kids for me..Oh and you might want to watch your back here in a few minutes" she said as she got up and waved goodbye

Girl 3

Occupation: Crazy Bitch

It was Yoruichi's friend, Soi-Fon. She looked at him with in anger, void of proper thinking. She slammed her hands down on the table as she dramatically stood up "How dare you speak to Yoruichi, let less be on some date with her. I trust her with my life, but don't trust you one dam bit. I bet you somehow forced her" she said as she pulled out a very sharp rock that she kept hidden in her sleeve incase of emergencies, and pointed it at his throat "I should slit your throat, for doing whatever you probably did to Yoruichi. Or just kill you when you least expect it" she said in a dark, murderous tone. Isshin was sacred shitless of this girl, worried that she might actually kill him, and he didn't want to fight with her. Thankfully Yoruichi came just in time to stop Soi-Fon. She gently grabbed hr wrist and pulled it away from him, and pocketed the sharp rock and kept her face close to hers, and smiled at her warmly "Calm down Soi-Fon, he's an old friend and I was talking to him. Now lets leave" she said in a calm soothing tone. Soi-Fon blushed, and nodded shyly and followed her out

Girl 4

Occupation: Cat lady

They both greeted each other with her names, and the woman was not bad looking whatsoever, she was kind of cute in a way. But it was what she was wearing that is setting him off a little. She had on some normal nice shoes, blue jeans, but she had on a pink hello kitty sweatshirt, cat earrings, a cat collar with a bell on it, fake cat ears on her head, and to top it off she had a small, but noticeable, paw print painted on her cheek. "W-Well..As I can tell, you must like cats" he said a bit nervously, but kind "No I do not..I love cats" she said, sounding super duper happy as can be! "Do you have a cat?" She asked, sounding very interested "No I do not-" she answered back right away "You should! Cats are the more adorable loving creatures, I have 10 of them, and on my way home from work. I even stop by the cat petting place for a few minutes, just so I can enjoy more of them." She kept going on and on about cats, and even listing facts about them

**Date Result:** Who let the cat out of the bag? Because it needs to go back in\

Girl 5

Occupation: Exact copy

The two are exactly alike personality wise, they are perfect for each other. Lets see how thing go between the two. The lady had bright crimson red hair, quite sexy looking, and smiles a lot. "So tell me about yourself" he said with a smile. "Well I'm generally a happy person, and I have a 17yr old daughter" she said happily "What a coincidence, I have a 17 yr old son, and two 12yr old daughters." She smiled happily from hearing that, "Maybe our kids go to the same school, what's your son's name?"she asked "His name's Ichigo, and yours?" he asked curiously. "The name doesn't ring a bell, and my daughter's name is Chizuru. But she's always going on about some girls named Orihime, and Tatsuki. Apparently My daughter is always trying to play around with Orihime, and Tatsuki's always tackling or chasing her away, and my daughter won't tell me why." Isshin chuckled as he had a big grin on his face, because one. He's happy that his son does have a connection with her kid, and that he already likes the women and thinks he might have found someone. "Then my son knows your daughter, he's best friends with Tatsuki and Orihime." She smiled happily "Well that's good to know, so tell me a bit more about yourself" she asked, sounding interested. "Well I'm a doctor, so I am at my clinic for a good while, but when I'm home I play with my kids. I'm always sparing with my son, by surprise him with an attack of some kind." The lady chuckled a bit, "I also mess with my Chizuru a little bit by trying to, kind of tackle her" she smiled (A/N: That's where she gets it from.) That was it, he thinks he might have found a soul mate. "So, what do you say to us leaving this place and going out for a snack?" he smiled, now asking her out. She smiled apologetically, "Sorry, but I don't think we click that way" and then she said the most dreaded thing ever. "So, how about we stay friends? We can keep in contact if you want." He was into much shock to speak, and she took that as a maybe, or no. So she got up and met the next person, whom she left with after talking with for a few minutes.

**Date Result:** Lets be friends = Nicer way to say no, but still hurts like hell

The next two women did nothing but talk about themselves, and not let him speak at all

Girl 8

Occupation: Kleptomaniac

The woman was very cute and dressed normally. And Isshin didn't seem to notice that the pin she was wearing, was the security tag. "So, do you have any kids?" she asked kindly. "Yes I do, would you like to see their pictures?" he asked with a smile. She nodded, and slightly shifted in her seat as Isshin dug through his pockets for the wallet, and pouted when he couldn't find it. "I can't seem to find it at all, and I swear I had it the whole time." She giggled a bit "That's okay, I bet they look wonderful, just like their handsome father" she said with a playful wink. He blushed, smiling shyly like a little boy. "You're pretty cute yourself" he smiled. The date was interrupted when two policemen walked in, and started arresting Isshin's date. "Sorry miss, but your under arrest for stealing" said the policeman "B-But I didn't steal anything" she protested. The man just rolled his eyes "You still have the security tag on your shirt" he said plainly. "They must have forgotten to take it off, I swear." The policeman wasn't buying it "..We also have video tape evidence of you stuffing items into a purse, that you took the tag off of" he said as he turned to look at his partner. "Check her to see if she has anything else that doesn't belong to her." His partner nodded and searched, and he pulled out a scarf, cat earrings, and Isshin's wallet, and the man returned his wallet, and asked anybody around if those were their items..Which they clearly were.

**Date Result:** Obviously not happening

Girl 9

Occupation: Perky!

"Hi! I'm always just so, happy, happy, happy all the time! Everything is sunshine and rainbows in my world" she said excitedly. Isshin was actually a little thrown off by how perky she was "I see..So what are your hobbies?" She giggled happily "Riding my bike on a nice sunny day, and looking at rainbows, whether they're the real ones, or in books or paintings" she said with that annoying glued on smile of hers. He cleared his throat "I see..I'm a doctor, and I like t-" he said right as he got cut off "Oh wow, a doctor! I never met a doctor before" she said happily_'..I think you probably need to see the mental kind..Even though I should prescribe you mood control pills' _he thought "..Well I'm the medical kind of doctor, not a shrink." he said calmly. "I see. That's an interesting job" she grinned.

**Date Result:** Definitely a no

Isshin couldn't take anymore of this, so he gave up and left the place. He normally doesn't smoke unless it's the day of Masaki's death, but he needed one like a starving person needs food. He pulled out his cigarettes and popped it in his mouth, lit it and inhaled it like it was the last breath he was ever going to take. He exhaled, feeling so much better. At that moment, a raven haired beauty approached him, deciding to strike a conversation. "Someone sure enjoys a smoke" she said in amusement. He smiled over at her "Nah, I rarely smoke, but I badly needed one, I'm really stressed" he said as he looked up at the sky, enjoying some of the stars he was able to see. "You can tell me about it if you want..And mind if I bum one of those?" she asked politely. "Sure" he said kindly and handed to one, and being the gentleman he is, he even lit it for her. "My kids forced me tp try speed dating, because I haven't dated in years and they thought I should finally try and find someone. Long story short, it didn't go over so well, it was 10 dates of pure fun" he said sarcastically. She laughed a bit "But that sounds like so much fun" she said sarcastically, and gave him a sly smile "But I have to say..To bad you rarely smoke, you look even more handsome with a cigarette, and cool." He had a small grin on his face as he looked over at her "And when you smoke, you look rather..Intriguing." She laughed, "I've gotten a lot of compliments, but that's a new one to me" she said with a grin. He smiled nervously "Sorry..I'm just a bit is all." She smiled, "Rusty?..But you just went on 10 dates in a row, you couldn't be that rusty" she teased. "Besides..It worked just fine." He smiled a bit, "Name's Isshin, yours?" he asked. "Rei...So how old are your kids?" she asked curiously. "I have 2 daughters who are 12, and a son who's 17. I have to remember to kick his ass when I get home for putting me through all of that." She chuckled a bit "You're a funny man Isshin, and I have a son too, he's only 15." They continued talking, and pretty much hit it off.

**Date Result:** Win

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A/N: So you know, the only reason why I even included Yoruichi and Soi-Fon is just to add to Isshin's stress level, so there was a point to it. And please review to tell me what you think. Plus a reason as to why I decided to go with Isshin, is because I never really see any Isshin stories. Oh and reviews would be nice. I want to hear if the story was okay, plain didn't like it, or if you liked it. Even a bit of criticism would be fine


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